The Daily WTF: Why the Flu Sucks

This is what happens when you get the version of the flu that is going around NYC. You feel compelled to make pathetic faces and put on any ridiculous accessory that you find in your sister's room.

I'm back...starting to feel closer to normal than I have in a long time, but still feeling like a 17-year-old since I'm living in my parents' house. The repairs to our new place should only take two more weeks, and then I'll be blogging LIVE from FLUSHING! WOOT WOOT.

Until then, I'm going to hope and pray that the FDIC really did insure my account at Citibank. The fact that the company is tanking fast, and Dick Parsons is now in charge (you know, that guy who screwed up Time Warner and invested in another company that I worked for that is near failure and shall remain nameless) makes me think the number on my statement might be imaginary.

I'm wondering when we're going to see a run on the banks like in "Mary Poppins"? I actually went looking for this video and found the whole song in that scene, and it's pretty prophetic. Watch it below.

The Daily WTF: Mayo has Flu

I know I keep making promises to you lovely people, then breaking them.

I am sorry.

I have this freaky-mutated-awful-gross-painful flu that is going around NYC, and I have barely had the strength to get out of bed, much less entertain you all.

Things will get back to normal soon. I hope?

The Daily WTF: There's Shit in your Food

Thanks, New York Times, for bringing us this little gem of a story. If you thought the stories of the contaminated peanut plant in Georgia were horrific, then maybe you should skip this post.

This report claims that on average, we eat up to two pounds of maggots, mites and other critters every year. It's not like you're eating it in your sleep, so it must be on the actual food that we ingest...food we think is clean and monitored by the FDA.

In fact, the FDA doesn't care that this stuff is in our food and actually says a certain percentage of "natural contaminants" is OK. Here's my favorite part of this OPED:

"Tomato juice, for example, may average “10 or more fly eggs per 100 grams [the equivalent of a small juice glass] or five or more fly eggs and one or more maggots.” Tomato paste and other pizza sauces are allowed a denser infestation — 30 or more fly eggs per 100 grams or 15 or more fly eggs and one or more maggots per 100 grams.

Canned mushrooms may have “over 20 or more maggots of any size per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid” or “five or more maggots two millimeters or longer per 100 grams of drained mushrooms and proportionate liquid” or an “average of 75 mites” before provoking action by the F.D.A.

The sauerkraut on your hot dog may average up to 50 thrips. And when washing down those tiny, slender, winged bugs with a sip of beer, you might consider that just 10 grams of hops could have as many as 2,500 plant lice. Yum."

There's more, but I'll spare you.

This reminds me of the line in "Fast Food Nation"—"There's shit in the beef." It seems that was an understatement.

Will you ever be able to eat anything ever again after reading this post?

Quick Hitters: The Friday the 13th Edition

Here's your fun fact for the day:
"Friday 13th is unlucky for some. The risk of hospital admission as a result of a transport accident may be increased by as much as 52 percent. Staying at home is recommended."
SOURCE: British Medical Journal 1993




LINKS:
~Buffalo plane crash—Analysis from Miles O'Brien, CNN's former resident plane and space geek.
www.milesobrien.com

~President Obama is tired of your motherf**king s**t—April Winchell's awesome discovery.
www.aprilwinchell.com

~The woman who held the Guinness world record for the longest fingernails was in a car crash. You can imagine what happened from there.
www.examiner.com

New Features! Wahoo!

Hi to my two lovely, smart, sexy readers. You’ve given me a chance to entertain and inform you, and now I’m going to tell you exactly how that will happen.

~The Daily WTF
This will be a regular feature highlighting something ridiculous that I see on the Internet. My goal is to make you shout out loud, “WHAT THE F**K.”

~Mayo’s Spread
This will be a short bit with my thoughts on the news of the day.

~Quick Hitters
My daily roundup of stories you absolutely have to check out.

~Why You Should Care
Too often, news is spewed at you with no real perspective as to why it matters to your life other than to say “holy shit” or “wow, that sucks.” I’ll help you break it down.

What do I have that every other schmuck on the Internet doesn’t have? Well, I’ve got years of broadcasting experience under my belt (which to many people means nothing...but at least I know how things work on the inside) and I have a tendency to swear a lot which should keep things interesting. But at the very least you can expect a fresher perspective than anything else you see on the web.

Enjoy! And please hold me to it!

Today's WTF Post

There are no words. I am thoroughly disturbed by this.