Wow...day 1 done and it flew by! Amazing how easy this whole program is...well, relatively easy. There are a few things I'm having a really hard time with, namely getting down the psyllium fiber and the buffered ascorbic acid. They taste awful and have triggered the gag reflex more than once. I've decided to change up my method a bit...instead of 8 oz of water with 2 teaspoons at a time, I'm going to go for 4 oz of water and one teaspoon. The fiber in particular turns super nasty and gelatinous within a matter of minutes, so 3 minutes after it's mixed it looks like brown floating snot. Exactly - gross.
One thing I'm worried about is the lack of trips to the loo. Sure there's a lot of liquid going through me, but there isn't much of anything else if you know what i mean. This makes me nervous for the rest of the weekend!
I've also revised the length of time I'll be on this detox. I'm going to shoot for 3 weeks, since this detox has the option to go this long. But if I get really fed up and desperate for an orange slice I'm going to make it two weeks. I'm not giving up early but the limited foods on this diet are starting to get a little unnerving.
More coming soon!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Why Detox? The Story of a Convoluted Breakup
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I say that not in a cliche or insincere way, but a very literal and personally explosive way. I've decided to do a detox. Not a Master Cleanse crazy detox, but a healthy and reasonable detox.
When I tell this to people, there are two questions I get right off the bat.
1- Which detox are you doing?
That one is easy. I'm doing Dr. Mark Hyman's Detox Box (click on the image to buy it from Amazon). Dr. Hyman was the former co-medical director at the Canyon Ranch in Lenox, MA, a place I've dreamed of visiting for years. It's the gold standard of health spas. If you are willing to fork over the $5,000 fee for a week, you'll be treated to regular massages, yoga classes, hikes and the healthiest meal plan of your life. Sounds dreamy, right?
Without getting too boring, this detox box focuses around resetting the flora and fauna in your gut and eliminating any possible allergens. Though the meal plan is limited, I am able to eat lots of fruits and veggies and even a little bit of fish. This is by no means a starvation plan. It's a "learn how to eat normally" plan.
2- Why in the world would you go on a detox?
This answer gets complicated. Three parts more complicated.
First it comes down to this: I'm a food slut.
There was no price too low or no food too nasty for me to say no to infiltrating my body. What? I can order two everything bagels with scallion cream cheese for the price of one? Sure! That 1 lb bag of peanut butter M&Ms wants to be eaten all in one day or, nay, one sitting? Go on and jump down my throat, boys!
That is how I ended up seriously overweight.
Not TLC special programming overweight, but I'm at a weight that I never thought I'd see again. I said again because I've been on this weight roller coaster my whole life. The last time I went to Weight Watchers and lost more than 40 lbs. with my awesome, sexy husband, I promised that I would never see that weight again. As of last week, I was within 15 lbs of it.
I now weigh ..... AHA! Caught you. You didn't think I would let that slip this early, would you?
So that's a large part of it. This detox, I'm hoping, will help me lose a little bit of weight while I learn to eat how humans are meant to eat--nothing from a box, nothing coated in sugar and certainly nothing that can be ordered by phone or internet.
Here's the next part. I am nearing the age of motivation: the big 3-0. Blerg. The age when health problems become nearly irreversible. And both sides of my family have every disease you've ever heard of related to unhealthy living: heart disease, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, gout. You name it, and my fat butt has the potential to get it.
Plus, there's the sociological pressure of 30. I can hear it now. "Oh, quit your whining. 30 isn't bad at all." That's where you'd be wrong.
Though my circumstances are better than most, I'm approaching 30 in a body and in a life I'm not happy with. I'm overweight (have i made that clear yet?), I don't have a full-time job (though I'm always looking! check me out at elizabethmayo.net) and I'm still living under my parents' roof...technically (more on that in another post).
I am completely grateful for everything I have; my wonderful husband, my flexible and understanding freelance jobs and my incredibly understanding parents that have supported me through a lot. But I am not in control of my destiny right now, and I hate that with a bile-y vengeance.
I think the detox will help me with all of that. My brain says, if I can get control over the one thing that I haven't had control over for my entire life, then maybe everything else will fall into place. I've come up with worse logic for dumber stuff in the past. Maybe if I sleep for two weeks straight, I'll stay UP for two weeks straight!
Here's the last part. You may remember my gluten epiphany.
Over the last 6 months, the connection between anything made with wheat and my obliterated immune system had been proven beyond a doubt. It took a 2-week elimination diet to figure it out. If I eat gluten now, I get serious side effects ranging from mud butt to nearly instant congestion. After so many years in our relationship, my body decided to break up with gluten.
It was my first breakup with a food, and my brain had no control over what my body demanded. Sure, I'd decided not to date certain shellfish foods and any item I had a "consistency issue" with (bananas, avocado for a while, any unidentifiable meat) was off the table. But gluten was the one who comforted me when I was sad, celebrated with me when I was happy and fought on my side in every argument.
Gluten was my true love.
Or so I thought, until it beat me up every time I ate it.
Once I eliminated the glutes from my life, I thought Hey, this is it! I'm going to lose a ton of weight! Not so fast. My weight didn't budge. This was not the best breakup of all time, where I would get skinny and be ready for the next food obsession that came my way.
I assumed I had to have other food allergies. The detox diet was the best idea I could come up with to figure out exactly which ones. Plus, paying for an allergist on my health plan is simply not an option!
If I haven't bored you to tears (or at least dried your eyesockets out with all the screen staring you've done to read this post), I hope you'll come along on the ride with me. I'll be writing regularly about this, and I hope to be posting some video blogs as well just to break things up. Aside from wanting to lose weight, be healthier and get my life back on track, I'm hoping that my detox experience will inspire others to do whatever they really need to do to change their lives for the better.
VIVA LA BODY REVOLUTION!
When I tell this to people, there are two questions I get right off the bat.
1- Which detox are you doing?
That one is easy. I'm doing Dr. Mark Hyman's Detox Box (click on the image to buy it from Amazon). Dr. Hyman was the former co-medical director at the Canyon Ranch in Lenox, MA, a place I've dreamed of visiting for years. It's the gold standard of health spas. If you are willing to fork over the $5,000 fee for a week, you'll be treated to regular massages, yoga classes, hikes and the healthiest meal plan of your life. Sounds dreamy, right?Without getting too boring, this detox box focuses around resetting the flora and fauna in your gut and eliminating any possible allergens. Though the meal plan is limited, I am able to eat lots of fruits and veggies and even a little bit of fish. This is by no means a starvation plan. It's a "learn how to eat normally" plan.
2- Why in the world would you go on a detox?
This answer gets complicated. Three parts more complicated.
First it comes down to this: I'm a food slut.
There was no price too low or no food too nasty for me to say no to infiltrating my body. What? I can order two everything bagels with scallion cream cheese for the price of one? Sure! That 1 lb bag of peanut butter M&Ms wants to be eaten all in one day or, nay, one sitting? Go on and jump down my throat, boys!
That is how I ended up seriously overweight.
Not TLC special programming overweight, but I'm at a weight that I never thought I'd see again. I said again because I've been on this weight roller coaster my whole life. The last time I went to Weight Watchers and lost more than 40 lbs. with my awesome, sexy husband, I promised that I would never see that weight again. As of last week, I was within 15 lbs of it.
I now weigh ..... AHA! Caught you. You didn't think I would let that slip this early, would you?
So that's a large part of it. This detox, I'm hoping, will help me lose a little bit of weight while I learn to eat how humans are meant to eat--nothing from a box, nothing coated in sugar and certainly nothing that can be ordered by phone or internet.
Here's the next part. I am nearing the age of motivation: the big 3-0. Blerg. The age when health problems become nearly irreversible. And both sides of my family have every disease you've ever heard of related to unhealthy living: heart disease, cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, gout. You name it, and my fat butt has the potential to get it.
Plus, there's the sociological pressure of 30. I can hear it now. "Oh, quit your whining. 30 isn't bad at all." That's where you'd be wrong.
Though my circumstances are better than most, I'm approaching 30 in a body and in a life I'm not happy with. I'm overweight (have i made that clear yet?), I don't have a full-time job (though I'm always looking! check me out at elizabethmayo.net) and I'm still living under my parents' roof...technically (more on that in another post).
I am completely grateful for everything I have; my wonderful husband, my flexible and understanding freelance jobs and my incredibly understanding parents that have supported me through a lot. But I am not in control of my destiny right now, and I hate that with a bile-y vengeance.
I think the detox will help me with all of that. My brain says, if I can get control over the one thing that I haven't had control over for my entire life, then maybe everything else will fall into place. I've come up with worse logic for dumber stuff in the past. Maybe if I sleep for two weeks straight, I'll stay UP for two weeks straight!
Here's the last part. You may remember my gluten epiphany.
Over the last 6 months, the connection between anything made with wheat and my obliterated immune system had been proven beyond a doubt. It took a 2-week elimination diet to figure it out. If I eat gluten now, I get serious side effects ranging from mud butt to nearly instant congestion. After so many years in our relationship, my body decided to break up with gluten.
It was my first breakup with a food, and my brain had no control over what my body demanded. Sure, I'd decided not to date certain shellfish foods and any item I had a "consistency issue" with (bananas, avocado for a while, any unidentifiable meat) was off the table. But gluten was the one who comforted me when I was sad, celebrated with me when I was happy and fought on my side in every argument.
Gluten was my true love.
Or so I thought, until it beat me up every time I ate it.
Once I eliminated the glutes from my life, I thought Hey, this is it! I'm going to lose a ton of weight! Not so fast. My weight didn't budge. This was not the best breakup of all time, where I would get skinny and be ready for the next food obsession that came my way.
I assumed I had to have other food allergies. The detox diet was the best idea I could come up with to figure out exactly which ones. Plus, paying for an allergist on my health plan is simply not an option!
If I haven't bored you to tears (or at least dried your eyesockets out with all the screen staring you've done to read this post), I hope you'll come along on the ride with me. I'll be writing regularly about this, and I hope to be posting some video blogs as well just to break things up. Aside from wanting to lose weight, be healthier and get my life back on track, I'm hoping that my detox experience will inspire others to do whatever they really need to do to change their lives for the better.
VIVA LA BODY REVOLUTION!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Going Blue Collar—Mayo's Adventures in Construction Management
Next week, one of my nightmares is coming true. I'm going to be working for my parents's construction company.
Shocking, but not necessarily a bad thing.
For those of you who don't know, my parents run JR Construction Corp and are exclusively contracted to work for Columbia University. Much of my childhood was spent on Columbia's campus, lugging compound cans, sweeping and generally following my dad.
After high school, I focused on a career in media because I wanted nothing to do with this construction career. "Construction isn't for girls," my mom would say. I didn't need any convincing—my plan was to go to college, get my English and Journalism degree, and live in TV land.
Like so much in life, things didn't go according to plan. TV was exhausting, and then I was laid off from my web job earlier this year. All this did teach me a lot, especially that manual labor isn't so scary or so gender-specific. When my apartment had to be renovated, I was happy to pick up a drill and learn how to reinforce sub-floor. I lugged drop cloths with a smile, and hauled cans of garbage with a skip in my step. If I was going to be kicked out of one field and thrown into another, at least I could try to put on a happy face about it.
So from Thursday to Wednesday, I'll be an official construction job manager while my parents jet off to Spain. I'm going to wear the company jacket, put the walkie-talkie hook on my jeans and get some dust in my hair. I'm going to practice my Spanish with my dad's employees and do my darnedest not to get any parking ticket.
This, my friends, should be funny.
Shocking, but not necessarily a bad thing.
For those of you who don't know, my parents run JR Construction Corp and are exclusively contracted to work for Columbia University. Much of my childhood was spent on Columbia's campus, lugging compound cans, sweeping and generally following my dad.
After high school, I focused on a career in media because I wanted nothing to do with this construction career. "Construction isn't for girls," my mom would say. I didn't need any convincing—my plan was to go to college, get my English and Journalism degree, and live in TV land.
Like so much in life, things didn't go according to plan. TV was exhausting, and then I was laid off from my web job earlier this year. All this did teach me a lot, especially that manual labor isn't so scary or so gender-specific. When my apartment had to be renovated, I was happy to pick up a drill and learn how to reinforce sub-floor. I lugged drop cloths with a smile, and hauled cans of garbage with a skip in my step. If I was going to be kicked out of one field and thrown into another, at least I could try to put on a happy face about it.
So from Thursday to Wednesday, I'll be an official construction job manager while my parents jet off to Spain. I'm going to wear the company jacket, put the walkie-talkie hook on my jeans and get some dust in my hair. I'm going to practice my Spanish with my dad's employees and do my darnedest not to get any parking ticket.
This, my friends, should be funny.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
A Face That Makes You Want to Talk to It—Or At Least Ask It for Directions
Look at this face.
Sure, I'm generally cheery, friendly and nice to be around. I may look like I at least believe some of the stuff that erupts out of my mouth.
But there's one thing I can't figure out.
I can't see where on my face that it says "ASK ME ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING, AND PLEASE SHARE YOUR LIFE STORY WITH ME AT THE VERY INSTANT THAT WE MEET."
Don't get me wrong. I do NOT wish that I looked like a ripe old hag (though if you asked my husband on the wrong day...he'd say I play the part quite well). I am guessing this invisible-but-somehow-detectable neon sign on my face has been there forever, but it hasn't been so obvious as it has been these past few weeks.
Every day—without fail—I am asked for directions. Doesn't matter if I'm a block away from my house or 150 miles outside the city. It's not like I travel to tourist traps daily, and it's not like I don't get lost. But for some reason, people think I have the answer. The people asking me these questions range from born-and-raised New Yawkers to travelers just passing through town.
Friday night, I was getting off the 1 train at Canal Street. "Hey, hey, psst psst, you...," the guy barked at me. I tried to ignore it, especially since I'll be damned if I'm going to be "psst psst" at. I'm a lady. Why is "excuse me, miss" so hard?
"Hey hey, do you know where Broadway and Church are at?"
"I'm not sure, unfortunately. Let me get out my map."
"A map?" he balks. "What, you not from here?"
So this thing that can't even cordially address me for help is judging me because I need a map of Chinatown? Why did I even bother to help?
"I am, excuse you, but I'm not Rain Man and I don't have every street in the five boroughs memorized. What, are YOU not from here?"
And before he said the words, I knew what the answer would be: "Yeah I'm from here but not this area. I'm from Brooklyn."
Wonderful. I guess that can be everyone's excuse for being rude and having a bad sense of direction.
I pointed out in my trusty Manhattan Diary 2009 that Broadway and Church don't in fact meet, but he and his lady companion should start walking west on Canal. She seemed to have a clue, though she didn't say a word in this entire exchange. Yes, you can assume that he couldn't tell which direction west was, but I proceeded to my destination anyway.
Jump to Saturday morning, as I'm on my way to meet a pregnant friend to go shopping for baby shower gifts. Not half a block out of my house and I get hailed down again. "Hey you...," again with the rude salutation, but I ignore it because it's a woman with a baby. Pregnancy brain is just about the only valid excuse for starting a conversation so rudely.
"I've seen you around the neighborhood and I like your purse," she said.
"Thank you," I said. "It's so nice to talk to someone who speaks English in this neighborhood."
OK, maybe this one was my fault. By being friendly and trying to talk about the neighborhood with this woman, I opened the floodgates. In 15 minutes, I ended up learning her entire life story and part of her medical history. I won't go into details here, but let's just say I learned things that took me 10+ years to learn from other friends. She was super nice, but I was not prepared to learn about this woman's reproductive system, racial views and economic status while I was running to go buy booger suckers and nipple pads at Buy Buy Baby. The conversation ended amicably (somehow with me agreeing to start a campaign for racial sensitivity in the neighborhood) and we exchanged numbers.
I am not a misanthrope (well, not in the Larry David sense), but I do wish that I didn't appear to have SUCH an open invitation for dialogue on my face. If that were the case, then maybe I'd finally make it to my intended destination on time or get all that writing done on the subway. Until then, I'll just settle for not being mocked for using a map.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
WNBC's Sue Simmons likes a liquid lunch...just like the rest of us
Maybe it's all the "Mad Men" I've been watching lately. Maybe it's the fact that I completely understand a working girl's need for a stiff one (a DRINK people...get your minds out of the gutter) during the work day. But this story about WNBC anchor Sue Simmons makes me giddy.
LX New York asked the local news legend if she would get loose after a newscast. Not only did she admit to going clubbing between shows, but she also said she used to drink. This is now the headline on Huffingtonpost.com.
Are we so sure she stopped?
This is a woman who cursed on live TV (no doubt at some stagehand who had put too many olives in her 6:05pm martini) and still kept her job. Here's the video to remind you:
This is a woman who also spent a few years with America's favorite curmudgeon, Jack Cafferty. Now, I worked with Jack Cafferty for a few years and though he's actually a very nice man in real life, he is occasionally prickly...to put it nicely.
This is also a woman who has fallen off her anchor chair...
And a woman who regularly does an impression of Punxsutawney Phil every year...
Is anyone surprised at this point that this woman likes her special sauce?
As much as I rip on news outlets focusing on the dumb stories I actually find this one amusing for one reason: It shows that news people are human. Not only human, but also sometimes not-so-great humans who need a drink like everyone else to erase the emotional sludge that accumulates from working a day job.
And if you work in local news for most of your life—-reporting on murders, rapes, fires, break-ins and car chases for 90% of your career—-there's a good chance that you just don't give a frack anymore. And that's OK.
So the next time you see Anderson Cooper or your local newsman, hand them a bottle of vodka. At least the execs won't smell it.
LX New York asked the local news legend if she would get loose after a newscast. Not only did she admit to going clubbing between shows, but she also said she used to drink. This is now the headline on Huffingtonpost.com.
Are we so sure she stopped?
This is a woman who cursed on live TV (no doubt at some stagehand who had put too many olives in her 6:05pm martini) and still kept her job. Here's the video to remind you:
This is a woman who also spent a few years with America's favorite curmudgeon, Jack Cafferty. Now, I worked with Jack Cafferty for a few years and though he's actually a very nice man in real life, he is occasionally prickly...to put it nicely.
This is also a woman who has fallen off her anchor chair...
And a woman who regularly does an impression of Punxsutawney Phil every year...
Is anyone surprised at this point that this woman likes her special sauce?
As much as I rip on news outlets focusing on the dumb stories I actually find this one amusing for one reason: It shows that news people are human. Not only human, but also sometimes not-so-great humans who need a drink like everyone else to erase the emotional sludge that accumulates from working a day job.
And if you work in local news for most of your life—-reporting on murders, rapes, fires, break-ins and car chases for 90% of your career—-there's a good chance that you just don't give a frack anymore. And that's OK.
So the next time you see Anderson Cooper or your local newsman, hand them a bottle of vodka. At least the execs won't smell it.
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